“I’ve decided to close down the company. Please let me know what are the things required of me. As spoken, please liaise with Bao Yee to settle the necessary. I’ll not be able to sign the document before the COVID-19 MCO measures are lifted. Thanks and regards.”
As I penned down my final words that will seal the fate of my very first registered entity, a tsunami of emotions swelled up within me. I went into Facebook to glance through the recently “unfollowed” Bao Yee’s profile. “Oh, she changed her profile picture,” I thought. “Let me take a look”.
Scrolling down the profile with articles and pictures re-shared by others, I finally got to her newly uploaded Facebook profile picture. Uploaded 2 hours ago. The person in the image is both familiar yet foreign. The yellow-ish tint on her face makes it almost impossible to recognise her. Her entire face was distorted. No longer bubbly and smiling, she appeared to have forced a smile for the picture. The unusually cheerful caption couldn’t compensate for the ghastly sight of her face. I reached out to find the ‘cross’ to close the tab. I rushed to my room, locked my door, and laid on the ground. “God, help me put her aside…!”
You know how people always say that guys have a “nothing box” in our minds while girls will never stop thinking? We are, inwardly, all girls in the eyes of the Lord. We are His beloved wife. We are His beloved lover. The thought of the inward femininity led me to a whirlwind of visions, sights, and sounds. I see the distortion of Bao Yee’s face getting worse in the vision, then I see the pastor-in-charge begging me to stay in the Christian ministry to further a project that my colleague warned me about. I hear the humiliating laughter of my Chinese and Taiwanese colleagues while I was drowning to my nose in work, I saw them sitting there drinking the finest of wine in Singapore’s most luxurious hotel while one of the most prominent real-estate tycoon and patron of our organisation asks why aren’t anyone doing any work. I felt the force of Bao Yee’s strength as she flung me from one side of the pastor’s house to the other; how she held me down with the force I cannot even begin to comprehend… Her eyes… Her eyes changed. No one is who they truly are. Not a soul can be trusted. Snippets of episodic memories zip around my head in a whirlwind of sub-psychotic anger, sadness, anxiousness, and fear.
“STOP!” I shouted.
Immediately, I was brought to a dark place. Cold, black, alone. There was no up nor down. There was no left nor right. It wasn’t spatial. It was just an endless, empty, void. Slowly, bits of physical things begin to appear. Beginning from a mid-18th century coach that was beige with dark turquoise pillow with golden linings around it. Then came the pieces of the wooden floor descending from above me, lying themselves nicely with their grains all lined-up. Then came the wall, the vases, the lighting, and everything else. Soon, I found myself standing in a middle class victorian living room. The similarities of the room to the drawing room of downtown abbey was uncanny. Except, this time, it was dark and misty, with minimal light to light up the area.
My eye hurt with the lack of light, but in the darkness, I’m beginning to make out a figure standing before me. I walked towards Him. A man in wearing a victorian suit and a white inner shirt. I wanted to ask who he was, but as I walked towards Him…
“Bang bang!” Shots of bullets being fired in the distant was heard. He unbuttoned his suit and hid me within it. “Stay with me,” he whispered in my ear. We took flight.
Sounds of footsteps can be heard from behind us. But being hidden under the cover of his suit, I couldn’t look back. All I knew was the feeling of company, safety, and assurance, amidst the growing uncertainty of the situation. He didn’t say a word. All he did was holding tightly onto me, his arms around my waist, his suit covering my back. As we ran ahead of the enemy, I see his arms transforming. His suit turned white, his arms grew muscles. I found myself drawn to lean against his chest, while his suit begin to form feathers. It was, a wing; an angel’s wing.
Shots from the guns behind got louder, so was the footsteps. I looked at his face. He was deep in thought, navigating the complex maze of the room while ensuring that I am kept safely by his side. Sweat begin rolling down his cheeks. It was red.
“Are we going to keep running?” I asked him in a loud audible whisper. “Aren’t we gonna do something about the enemy? Fight them?”
“No dear, we are not,” he spoke with an assuring tone while keeping his composure and his eyes fixed to the front.
We found a corner and he pushed me into it as he kept a lookout for signs of the enemy. “Okay good,” he mumbled to himself as he turned to face me. He looked me in the eye in a way no one has ever done before. He said, “We keep running, because this is the only way we will win.”
“But what do you mean we will win?! They’re trying to kill you!” I replied, exasperated.
“No, the person they are trying to kill, is you. But they are only going to do so over my dead body. Besides, I’ve died and rose again; and never again will I die.”
He turned his head back out and took a glance at the now-emptied corridor. “Now, follow me.”
We ran into a long corridor that doesn’t seem to have an end to it.
“There they are…!” Sounds of laughter and celebration followed by a few rounds of firing were heard from the back as we ran as fast as we could into the seemingly endless corridor. It hit the man, his wings, and his legs. He struggled to maintain his composure as he kept running while holding on to me very tightly.
“You are bleeding,” I said. “Why don’t you fend for yourself?”
“Because that is the only way this is going to end,” he smiled. “One day, not only you will understand, but those who has been shooting us will also come to their senses.”
“What do you mean?”
“At the end of the matter, there is nothing else but you and me… And the only way to love, is to love till the end. I do not only love you. I love also those who are harming me to harm you.”
I looked to him with tears flowing down my eyes. I felt his blood raining down my body as he took more and more rounds for me.
“Can you not be so selfless?” I cried out to him.
“It’s okay my love. We are reaching the end of the tunnel.”
Immediately, the surrounding furnishing disappeared into the dark empty void that I was in. He was gone. The sights and sounds from all the chasing were but echoes reverberating in the darkness. I was, once again, left in the emptiness of the void. I looked around the emptiness, confused.
“Let there be light.”
He held a candle on his hand as he walked towards me. I screamed for joy as I ran towards him. “How are you feeling? Your wounds, are you okay?” I couldn’t help but break into tears. “You could have died! For me!”
“Have you forgotten? I have once died and have risen from the depths. Never again will I die again.” He smiled as he hugged me. Immediately, the multitude of candles were seen, lit around us. They were people holding on to them; countless. They sang, “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.”
“Do you now understand?” he looked me in the eyes with his two wounded hands holding firmly onto my face. He smiled at me with tears forming in his eyes.
“Yes, I do.”Image by Pexels from Pixabay
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