Guys, don’t lie to yourselves, you’re never getting over your ex. Not without Divine intervention.
Let’s face it. As guys, we cannot get over past relationships as quickly as girls. We cannot get over past relationships not because we are psychologically weaker than girls, but because the desire to hold onto relationships is built into our DNA. It’s in our design. You see, there’s some sort of a Divine Design behind the Psychology of Sexuality and it can be found from the very beginning of Biblical texts. When God made humankind in His likeness, He didn’t just made them all “masculine” or “feminine”. In fact, we read from the scriptures that He made both male and female. How then, can a Heavenly Father like God have a feminine aspect to Him? Is there something we don’t know about Him?
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. — Genesis 1:27, NIV.
Now, we know that the likeness of God isn’t just the outward appearance of God. The likeness here refers to the immaterial part of humanity. It refers to the mental, moral, and social aspects of God as well . Now, if God is looking forward to His own wedding as prophesied by the Apostle John in Revelations 19, do we see where we get our desire for eternal fellowship through marriage?
To understand the sexuality of God, we must peel back our understanding of the Divine and dive into the spiritual realm. In order to understand the internal emotional and psychological desires of God, we must retreat back to a point where we can observe the love story of God unfold.
God is Spirit . And so is His bride . In the passage in Revelations 19:7-8, the bride of God isn’t one person but a multitude of God’s holy people. However, this multitude appeared as one body (or in this context, one spirit). This concept should not be new for Christians. In Christ, all believers are One in spirit in one body (Romans 12:4-5; 1 Corinthians 12:12-31). Such is the unity that Jesus Christ prayed for in John 17:20-23, that all believers may be brought to complete unity so that the world will know that the Father has sent Christ and that the Father has loved them as much as He loved Christ.
In context, God the Father is the manifestation of Divine Masculinity while His Bride (the Church) is the manifestation of Divine Femininity.
Now, you might ask, how can the collection of believers be One when there’re so much divisions between them? How can we be United when we cannot even agree on the most fundamental of scriptural issues? At this point, I would like to digress and point out that there seem to be an overarching force that controls the collective human psyche. This overarching force is the voice in everyone of our heads telling us right from wrong and good from bad. It is this nudging in the heart that every human being share that tells us what we ought to do and what we ought not to do. It shapes our every day lives and it shapes how we interact with each other. In psychology, we call this the Collective Unconscious .
As individuals, we have our own soul; our own spirit. But larger than ourselves is a spirit that transcends the individual. Our spirit is a part of the larger entity that is connected to all of creation . Our spirit is part of a larger entity that lasts forever. This collective unconscious is the soul of the Bride of God. This is the being whom God is so in love with. This is the Spirit of the Bride that welcomes people to God’s presence saying, “Come! Whoever is thirsty let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life” (Revelations 22:17, NIV).
Now that we have briefly covered the sexuality of the Divine, we will be able to look into the sexuality of our Divine design through the lenses of God.
Masculinity Seen From The Lens of the Divine
In the Scripture, we see that God the Father appears to be a fickle-minded Person who is obsessed with the notion of upholding His Word. We know that God loved His people. But because of His intolerance for sin and imperfection, He had to let go of people He love. In Isaiah 50:1, we see that God sent away His Bride (the collective unconscious of humanity) on the account of Israel’s sins. In Isaiah 54:4-8, we read that the Bride was put to shame during her youth and was reproached with widowhood. She was deserted, distressed, rejected, and abandoned by the Lord “in a surge of anger”. In the very same passage though, God said that He will bring her back with deep compassion. He will have compassion on her with everlasting kindness and He will redeem her and call her back to His side from wherever she is. If seen through the lenses of interpersonal relationship, it is easily understandable to see why God was angry with His bride. After all, she had committed adulteries against Him and hence He had to have her divorced (Jeremiah 3:8). However, considering God’s love towards her, He admitted to His making of hash decisions at the spur of the moment and had been working to make things right with her as seen through the entire salvation tale.
If the male species was designed in God’s likeness, then we too will be prone to make decisions at the heat of the moment; whether we like it or not. We will be prone to let our emotions get the better of us and make irrational choices. Consider the number of times you thought of breaking up with your girlfriend or divorcing your wife just because she did something stupid and you lost your mind momentarily? Do you regret what you said when the emotions die down? And if you’re a man of your word and are not willing to retract what you have said, will you regret the decision you made and suffer the consequences that comes afterwards?
Guys, if we are truly made in God’s likeness, then we will not be able to move on from a broken relationship. Let’s consider what happened to God — He never did move on. If He did, He would have completely destroyed His bride (the entire humanity including Her spirit — the collective unconscious) and start afresh. But He did not. In all the punishment He inflicted on her, He always leave a remnant so as to ensure that His bride lives on. When the Flood happened, we have Noah’s family saved. When Israel was exiled, we have a remnant who were saved. And likewise in the end times, when all Believers fall, a selected few (the elect) will be saved. God did all these so as to ensure the preservation of His bride — the spiritual kingdom of Jerusalem.
Even though God did break up with her. He could not bear to give her up. Not because He couldn’t, but it simply isn’t in His nature to do so. Likewise for us guys, we are not designed for break-ups nor divorces. And when faced with such a choice, it will feel as if a part of your soul is being torn from you. You will never be the same person ever again. Studies show that men may have more to lose in a divorce or break-up in terms of health and happiness, and that divorce is associated with worse physical and mental health more strongly for men than for women . Such studies attributes the negative association of break-ups and divorces on men to the lack of social support networks and men’s dependency on their wives for their sense of identity and comfort . If this is true, then the creation of humanity is also a big part of God’s own identity — something that He can never forgo.
Just like God, guys build our identity through our spouses. After all, we are called to “love our wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-27, NIV). Our spouses and girlfriends are our projects that God had given to us to build up. Through our wives and girlfriends, we gain our identity in Christ. It is no wonder why God will not answer the prayers of a man if he do not treat his wife or his girlfriend with respect (1 Peter 3:7).
Concession to Break Soul-ties and Cutting the Red Thread of Fate
However, one must recognise that we are not living in an utopian society and people do depart from our lives one way or another. It is for this reason God make for us a concession — an option for healing from break-ups and divorces. This options comes through Christ for the purpose of healing. In any interpersonal union, whether verbal or written, there is a soul-tie being tied between two persons. This union is manifested in some sort of “law” that is written in the depths of our hearts (Romans 2:15). In Eastern mythology, a string (the red thread of fate – 姻缘红线) is tied to the soul of two parties who are destined to become true love . The western conceptualisation of this is called the “soulmates”. This string is enforced into this thing called a “soul tie” (魂结) when one had been intimate with one another . All of these are fine if we had been intimate with the “right one”. However, if for whatever reason you were called away from the love of your life, you will find yourselves helplessly bounded with her by this thread with no way of escape. However, just as how Christ broke the chains of the law, we have been redeemed from the curse of the law through Christ our Lord (Galatians 3:13). Through the blood of Christ, we are able to break the bonds of union, be it a broken relationship or a failed marriage. And once we have been broken free from the curse of unwanted union through the blood of Christ, we can be washed cleaned and purified through the blood of Christ as well (1 John 1:7).
Understanding Divine Design and its Real Life Applications
Understanding Divine design will help us to better understand our reaction to interpersonal relationships. With this added understanding, we will be granted the power to better manage our interpersonal relationships. Understanding Divine design will also help us see beyond our struggles, opening us to the tools made available to us in the Scripture to cope with any form of relationship issues.
 – God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. — John 4:24, NIV.
 – Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.) — Revelations 19:7-8, NIV.
 – We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. — Romans 8:22-23, NIV.StockSnap from Pixabay
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