Originally posted on my personal Facebook page.
Just about this time last year, I was rushing to complete a website for a charity that I knew little about. A year’s passed and I’ve begun work on another. This time, for a company.
Who would have known that the charity will achieve so much within a year? Who would have known that we will end the year prepping ourselves for more projects for the coming year? Who would have known that so much would have changed within a year? Who would have known that we’d change?
As I contemplated the accomplishments and failures of 2019, I cannot help but be at awe of the Invisible Hand that led me through it all. Just like how it helps market forces reach an equilibrium in an unstable society, it helped me gain a foothold amongst the busyness of aimless living. Being voluntarily enslaved in an institution, I was liberated to venture into uncharted territory; to learn about the forces that transcend individual’s choices and to decipher the mystery that was laid out since the beginning of time.
All within a cycle around the Sun,
I’ve learned scepticism from my colleagues and I’ve learned to put them down,
I was warned about red-flags in relationships and to flee from it,
I have broken and restored family relationships,
I was given the divine push to dive into the Bible and to figure out the unfathomable,
I was given the opportunity to serve in places I’ve not thought I would,
I was given the blessing to meet people I’ve never thought of meeting,
I was given the inspiration to begin drafting my plans for the future,
and most importantly,
I was given the honour to reconnect with who I am again.
I am still stubborn in my own rights, though. I’ve ignored kind advice and considered good counsel as if they were given with ill-intent. As I reflect on the things I’ve said and done, I figure, though I knew some things were wrong, I wouldn’t have done it any other way. Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not saying that I’ll choose sin over good. Rather, there are things I’ve done in my stubbornness that aren’t just pre-destined, they were written into my identity. This is who I am.
But here’s the thing. If I were to put on all the legalism that my religious folks enforce on their sheep, then I’d be condemned, with absolutely no way of escape. After all, it is impossible for I — who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age and who have fallen away, — to be brought back to repentance. To my loss, I am crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting Him to public disgrace.
There must be something more than this. There must be something we are missing.
I do not know who I am; I do not know what do I stand for. I only knew that something was amiss. It was only when a dear sister-in-Christ told me what I stood for do I know what it all meant.
As I continue to walk the earth on borrowed time, I am beginning to see things from a perspective I’ve never once thought about. I’ve got to admit that there’re still a million things I’ve got to learn — many of which I still cannot make sense of — but I’ll not give up. As I write this note of thanksgiving, I know that doors are being opened for me — many of which are beyond my wildest imagination.
Within 2019, I was given the honour to meet people whom I’ve never thought I’d meet, attend courses I’ve never thought of attending, and to be exposed to new teachings that I’ve never once given a thought about. As I begin to open myself to things I used to oppose (I grew up in a conservative Christian background), I find myself straddling between the Christian right and the Christian left. Do I or do I not, embrace inclusiveness but preach exclusivity? Do I or do I not, embrace unity but question liturgical practices I’m unfamiliar to? Do I or do I not, embrace the possibility that Christ’s salvation extends to non-believers who’ve never heard of Christ or keep condemning myself for being an introvert and not being able to preach as those charismatic leaders do? Should I or should I not, dive into scriptures and redefine key tenets of the structure of my faith? Is “The Truth” out there? Because, Heavenly Father, You’ve shown me how ripe the harvest is; You’ve shown me that people are searching, people are yearning, people are desiring, people are drowning.
So ode to 2019, a year of renewal; a year of change.
Many people have come into my life and changed my life for the better (you know who you are).
As we march together on life’s long road, I cannot but thank all of you for all the things you have all done in my life.
Without all of you, I would not be where I am today.
Without all of you, I would not be who I am today.
Ode to the transformation we’ve had in 2019.
For better or for worse, I see the Invisible Hand leading us on into unity.
Ride the waves of the Spirit as we march steadily into the year of proclamation.
The tides are changing; lost children are gathering.
Feel the wind of the trends; I smell the prophecy from of old coming into sight.
We are all one big family.
Are you ready for 2020?